


History Repeating

by endeni



Series: History [1]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Blanket Permission, F/M, Implied/Referenced Incest, M/M, Podfic Welcome, Post-Movie(s), Spoilers, Wordcount: 500-1.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-02
Updated: 2016-01-02
Packaged: 2018-05-11 03:28:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5612239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/endeni/pseuds/endeni
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It runs in the family.</p>
            </blockquote>





	History Repeating

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Challenge #141: Amnesty at [fan_flashworks](http://fan-flashworks.livejournal.com/), using Challenge #71: History.  
> Many thanks to the awesome [doreyg](http://doreyg.livejournal.com/) for the inspiration!

Kylo Ren was lying on the ship's corridor, sprawled like a forgotten doll. Defeated, bleeding.

Luke deactivated his lightsaber and secured it to his waist.

He approached the dark figure. He bent down, freed him from his mask.

Underneath, a new, ugly scar was bisecting Ben's face, his features distorted in a grimace of pain.

“I'm sorry, my boy” Luke said. “This is all my fault.”

“I've… been,” a labored breath “looking for you.”

“I know.” Luke moved forward and, carefully, took the boy in his arms.

“Thank… you,” the boy said.

Luke hands stilled.

“I couldn't be… like him. But I can… die… like him.”

In my arms, Luke thought. He closed his eyes tight. “That's right. I'm right here.”

“Tell me… a story? Tell me… about him?”

A sigh, halfway though a sob. “Of course.”

Luke mastered himself.

“The Force, the universe, they are split into light and dark, Good and Evil. And in every one of us there's the possibility for both.”

Luke lifted one hand to tenderly move a few strands of hair away from the boy's eyes.

“In the days of the Old Republic, the Jedi Order that saw my father become The Hero with No Fear wasn't perfect. Their code and rules had become too strict and suffocating. In the walls of their temple, they had grown detached from the reality around them, the people. At the same time, they weren't above meeting murder with murder when need be. They became blind to the enemy within and the rise of the Emperor. They took a young slave boy from his mother and asked him to answer to a new set of masters.

In the end, my father did bring balance to the Force. In the way prophecies are known to be, he did so in an unexpected way. He erased all that was before, killed all the Jedi the Emperor hadn't managed to have killed already. And, after the killing of his own master, he set the galaxy free for a new start.

In that moment, I was the only Jedi left, free of constriction and corruption, free to get things right once more. Or wrong.”

Luke paused. He owed the boy the truth. That, at least, he could give him.

“The fault is mine, you see?"

The boy's eyes widened, looking at him in surprise.

"Not only I failed to stop you, I wasn't there to steer you right before.

I told myself I was off being a Jedi, recruiting a new generation of Force users.  
Truth was, I was drawn away by Han and Leia's happiness.

Even after your parents named you after my old master, in my honour.

I was there for your birth and, by the time I saw you again, you were fifteen and Leia and Han had sent you to me to train. To guide.

By then, I didn't see a nephew, nor a son.

In you, I saw Leia's wild hair and defiant eyes. I saw Han's cockiness.

I saw your attraction towards power.

You, recklessly trying to seduce me.

I knew it was wrong. I knew I couldn't encourage you. I rejected you, I had to.

And even after all that you did, all the people you killed...  
In the end… I left. I chose to retreat to my island and my temple ruins. I ran away, like a coward.  
I was too ashamed. Your parents had given me the most important task and I had failed them.  
I just couldn't bear the thought of facing you in battle.  
The moment you killed Han, I felt it, deep in my bones. And Leia, the only woman I ever loved. She was the strongest of us all, always had been. And I left her alone to bear this burden. _We_ left her alone. But I couldn't bear the thought of killing you.”

Luke bent his head to press his cheek against Ben's soft hair.

“I have always loved you, my boy, more that I should have. Just like I loved your parents more than a friend and a brother should.

I never told them, but your mother knew.  
It was another reason for me to kept my distance, at the beginning.

Sometimes, I think the old Jedi Order was right, after all. Maybe it was my attachment to you that ruined things, my attachment to your parents. Me, wanting things I couldn't have.  
It does run in the family.

I don't think I'll ever know, though. And I'm too ashamed to ask Force ghosts.”

Another sob. Luke knew it was too late already, that he had been talking to himself for quite some time now.

He said his last words anyway.

“My dear boy, can you forgive me?”


End file.
